Ambition
by namby-pamby
Summary: HieiKuramaHiei YAOI. Ambition causes pain. And the perfect goodbye.


Set after episodes 98 and 99, where Yusuke goes to Makai and Yukina gives her gem to Hiei, respectively.

Will contain male/male situations.

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**Ambition**

It was eerily quiet after Yusuke plunged into the portal that would seal him in the Makai for three years, and his fate, possibly forever. It did not help that they were in Genkai's place, but at that moment, the silence was not caused by the weird forest (that grew lushly in the middle of the city) that engulfed her temple. It was instead impregnated with the kind of longing that selfishness and respect spawn when they collide: Botan, her sobs the only piercing reprieve from the forlorn silence, clearly did not want Yusuke to go because he was her dear friend. Kazuma, manlier and wiser, would have burst into tears as well if respect was not his strongest point. Shizuru witnessed the spectacle of Yusuke's valediction with a calm countenance but with a fluttering heart - the boy she watched over with her brother just grew up. Yukina, who seemed to have forgotten the tears she had shed earlier for Hie -- her missing brother, had now turned her devotion to easing Botan's grief. Genkai, as she usually did, kept her wizened features schooled, and there was a confident aura about her: wordlessly, it let everyone conclude that she felt nothing short of pride - and a bit of nostalgia - for her disciple.

Hiei and Kurama, however, only stood in contemplative silence, totally immersed in their own pithy feelings about the sudden change. For Hiei, someone so powerful yet woefully stuck in a dimension crawling with struggling weaklings, Mukuro's invitation might be a little too titillating. There was no doubt about it: he would definitely go, for he longed to leave wretched Ningenkai and its wretched inhabitants and their boring, wretched lifestyle - or was it all that, really? He glanced at his sister, quickly and shyly, and in that all-too fleeting moment, he realized that despite being an ice demon, her aura was pleasantly warm, her beauty and radiance too precious and her kindness too raw that it would scathe Makai if it acknowledged Yukina as its own. Resolutely, he embraced himself and firmly resigned to leave Yukina where she would be surrounded by everything the Makai would at most fail to provide her with - in wretched Ningenkai - for good.

_She doesn't look like she will belong anywhere else anyway..._ Hiei told himself, disheartened by the growing distance between him and Yukina, but was ultimately relieved because of it.

He then boldly looked at Kurama. Unlike with Yukina, his bond with the youko incarnate was impressive - there was just no other word for it - that he dared to approach him with such an appalling degree of intimacy. Kurama, like no other, received it with his disgusting friendship (which felt so good to Hiei that it was unsettling to his gut). Kurama, like no other, taught him of physical contact, teased, flirted; he understood him inside out, tended to his wounds, soothed his perturbation, and generally made his sentence in Ningenkai bearable.

Kurama, like no other, he trusted.

The redhead was not done pondering extensively yet; he had his arms crossed, his eyes cast down, and his guard completely inoperative. Hiei understood why, but he did not repress a disappointed snort. Whenever complicated human feelings consumed him, Kurama always gave in to them, almost passionately, discarding his guard like his life was a mere trifling matter.

_Hn. Must be tough to be human. I'm glad I'm not one._

When Kurama finally noticed the heated, undue attention from his black-clad friend, he returned the red gaze, and smiled sheepishly, apologetic. _I'm sorry I "would have lived through a great earthquake and would not have known until I realize that everyone else was swallowed by the earth" again, Hiei. Thank your for watching my back as always, though,_ Kurama whispered in Hiei's mind. The stupid fox really meant his words, and Hiei was once again stumped with wonder: _How will this fox survive the Makai, now that he's also going back?_ He rolled his eyes and "Hn"ed. Kurama's smile privately widened.

Unexpectedly, Hiei declared, to no one in particular, "It's late; Kurama and I must be going." Although he felt Kurama bristle up in confusion, Hiei ignored him and began walking to exit Genkai's perimeter. _That fool, so easily agitated lately,_ he mused disapprovingly. When he heard Kurama make more formal good-byes in haste to catch up with him, Hiei could not help but preen. He knew Kurama would not disappoint him...

"Hiei!" Kurama called out, "Wait up!"

Hiei stopped in his tracks and turned to the redhead jogging toward him. Now that they were alone, Hiei felt he could be himself just a little. The fine, pathetic curve on his lips was the most briliant smile Kurama had seen - how could he miss it?

Once Kurama fell in stride alongside him, Hiei resumed walking. The night sky was studded with stars, the chill of the air invigorated his senses, the companionable silence between them gave him peace, and the fox's aura fluctuated erratically? Confused, he turned to Kurama. "What are you so giddy about, you weird fox?"

Kurama was smiling earnestly. "'Kurama and I', Hiei?" he teased, trying to imitate Hiei's baritone and failing miserably. Hiei's eyebrow rose: sometimes, he just could not figure his friend out. Was it a human thing? Whatever.

"Hn."

They must be at least over a mile away from Genkai's now. They seemed to be nearing another thicket. "Hiei, where are we?" Kurama asked.

"You live around here, don't you? Why ask me?" There was calm in Hiei's snarky retort. Kurama made a _d'oh!_ face at the answer, but still remained giddy anyway.

"I meant 'where are we going,' you testy little demon."

"Why must you always pretend to be ignorant?"

"Why must you always spoil the mood?"

Hiei's nostrils flared; he picked up his pace. "Mood? What mood?"

They eventually arrived at a clearing, where it was too dark for anyone else to be around. Moonlight bounced off the tops of the surrounding trees. "_This_ mood, Hiei." Kurama whispered, grimly, when Hiei, with his back on him, finally halted in his steps - the end to their journey. In more ways than one.

It was a long time before Hiei spoke. The usually stern voice dripped with a weariness that broke Kurama's heart. "Let's stop the games, fox."

There had to be more. Kurama waited.

"Stop it right now."

"I never played games, Hiei." Kurama answered tersely, deciding he - they - should stop _this_ right now. The time to grow up - _and grow apart_ - was at hand. He and Hiei... They did not live to flirt.

_Even when I can hear his heart thundering in its place,_ Hiei thought to himself, awed, _it's that unbelievable self-control that allows him to be this cool. Not even Yusuke comes close..._

"I know," he sighed deeply, defeated. _You captivate me, Kurama. You really do. But it's not enough._

"Is it that time already, Hiei? Have you made up your mind?" Hiei was right; he always pretended to be ignorant.

Hiei turned to face him. "Yukina..." he began, his features buckling into the self-hate that permanently rippled under his default air of high self-esteem. Kurama wanted desperately to march over to his friend and slap that ugliness off him, but he steeled himself against the temptation. Hiei was too precious for it, but he knew Hiei did not want his help right now. Kurama opted to wait again.

"...she entrusted to me her gem. She asked me to give it to her brother."

"Yes, I saw it. You hurt her deliberately, Hiei. To push her away." Kurama said, and his eyes glinted as they had yesterday, when Makai had been a distant memory. "But she's really your sister; I don't think you fazed her in the slightest. I swear I wanted to give you a good scolding for even trying to, though."

Hiei's quick reply was also painfully reminiscent of the yesterdays, back when he had a sense of humor after all, no matter how bad it was: it was a reflex he inevitably learned from spending too much time with his favorite ningen. Only Kurama could tell if he was genuinely sputtering threats, or merely joking. "Hn! You wouldn't be able to make me do anything even if your life depended on it!"

Ah, the good times.

When Kurama smiled sadly at him, Hiei knew he dropped his own guard. He bit on his tongue furiously, mentally berating himself for making the same mistake only a human was irresponsible enough to. Hiei realized that he - they - had to get this over with or else he would butcher his own tongue soon. "You know why I can't tell her, Kurama."

"I know."

"And you know I don't want to, either."

"I know."

Hiei looked at him. The latter was eyeing the gem that hung from his neck in a pendant. He looked haunted.

"And you know what that means."

"I know."

Hiei no longer had any reason to live.

"I am sick of this world of yours, Kurama. The pollution, the mindless wars between equally weak humans, the mundane politicking, your pathetic obsession with dates and holidays and your crappy TV shows..." Hiei paused to savor the sudden thrashing of Kurama's emotional human heart, which was hardly denied by the stoic mask the redhead had mastered. He whittled the distance between them to two feet. "...and more, they are the very things I loathe being sentenced to; they sabotage every fiber of my being. Damn Koenma."

The youko smiled wistfully, meeting Hiei's eyes.

Hiei continued, "Aside from those..." His eyes bore into Kurama's. "You really captivate me, Kurama. You really do. Your friendship was the fire I thought I always had, but never really did. But you know that is not enough."

"I know." Kurama lowered his gaze; he could not bear the weight of Hiei's gaze anymore. His friend rarely showed emotion, and although he was lucky enough to be at the ready end when he _did_ convey some, his chest wanted to burst from the emotional surge Hiei's words brought.

_You really captivate me, Kurama. You really do..._

_But you know that is not enough._

Hiei, despite his hand being obviously the smaller, ensconced Kurama's fisted left hand into a grip that was undeniably much stronger.

"I don't belong here. And now, Makai calls. I do not plan on coming back, Kurama."

"I understand."

"Because I must die in a good fight. Because I no longer have any reason to live. Fighting is all I know, Kurama. What better way to live and die?"

Hiei let go of Kurama's fist, and laid his hands flat on the youko's chest. Kurama's heartbeat pulsed underneath his touch in an anxious staccato, but it calmed him, it saddened him. Hiei closed his eyes and leaned in his head to hear more of it. Human heartbeat. When Kurama put his arms loosely about his waist, and inclined into him, they were in a redefined embrace, rather awkward and skittish, as if both were afraid to offend the other's personal space.

Hiei chose to put an end to that space as well. "But before that," he said, looking intently into Kurama's eyes once more, "I wish to sever my ties with you. I do not want to be tempted to even glance back when I leave. I cannot let you distract my life."

"Hiei, that's too funny, even for you. You were talking of ending it just a while ago," Kurama reminded him with an amiss chuckle. _I'm regresing to it again_, he said to himself, _but never mind._ He found himself unable to completely resist the flirting.

"True," Hiei said, but did not waste on it another word. His hands flew to the buttons of Kurama's white Chinese tunic, then undid them lazily. "Spend this last night with me," he breathed, not really waiting for an answer.

"Hiei..."

Once Kurama's buttons were unfastened, the flaps of the tunic opened symetrically, and revealed a firm nakedness underneath. Hiei smoothed his hands on the exposed skin, traversed the exquisitely muscled plain upwards, and upon resting on the collar bones, he swept the garment off the redhead's shoulders. It slid off Kurama's arms in a hushed whoosh, then landed limply on the asphalt.

Hiei stepped back as if to admire a masterpiece. There in front of him stood Kurama in excellent posture. His long arms hung placidly on his sides - images of graceful vines flashed in Hiei's mind. His eyes darkened from a deluge of sensations, the moonlight spilled some thin silver on one sturdy shoulder, and the skin - now ridden with goosebumps - glowed amid the dimness. Hiei drank modestly of the magnificent sight; he was very pleased.

"Hiei..."

"Hm?"

Kurama stepped nearer to him, reached out a sinewy arm and tugged on his scarf. His face and averted eyes stirred in them a madness of faith, bravery, want, uncertainty and...

_Good bye._

When Hiei expressed his desire to remove Kurama's remaining clothing - his pants - the latter took that as a hint. With fluid moments that did not inherit his disquietude about what was happening, he unwound Hiei's scarf, and disrobed him of his dress. Where Hiei was reduced to his pants, Kurama was reduced to his underwear; where Kurama found Hiei's being shirtless underneath his cloak as amusing, Hiei could not supress a mocking laugh at the sight of a millennia-old youko in a _ningen_...

_Uh..._ "What do you call that?" Hiei asked, impudently pointing to Kurama's...

"Underwear," Kurama supplied, his head reeling when Hiei exploded into a hearty guffaw. _Count on him to always spoil the mood,_ he thought fondly, yet bitterly.

"Right." Hiei was still wracked by what remained of his sadistic sense of humor, to which Kurama's face disfigured into a jilted expression. Upon recovering, he gave _Youko Kurama_ a message, with a mischievous smirk, "I pity the Youko. He fled to the Ningenkai only to be snared and..." He looked at Kurama's clothed pelvic area once more, and was overwhelmed by the sheer hilarity of the thing.

Hiei's howling laughter only ceased when Kurama flung himself onto him, toppling them both to the hard, rough cement. Kurama inched his face closer to Hiei's, and sounded like he was not having fun anymore. "Do you always dilly-dally like this whenever you say good bye?"

Hiei, in reply, petulantly refused to answer.

In impatience, Kurama feverishly untied the red sash that kept Hiei's pants up, tossed it to the side, and brought the pants down. Before he even recognized his best friend's utter nudity, he was flipped on his back rather callously, making his head hit the pavement, and he felt his underwear being slid off him - all in one high-speed blur.

Hiei straddled the redhead's long legs, which were not as feminine as popularly thought. _Hn,_ he gloated to himself. He domed over Kurama, looked at him dauntingly in the eye, and rocked their crotches together without warning - brusquely, steadily, continuously, in rapid tempo.

"I do not, Kurama. Because this is the first time I'm bidding anyone good bye."

Kurama writhed underneath him, eyes clenched shut, hands flexing as though groping for bedsheets to contain the sensation. The friction the ningen must be feeling must be maddening. "Ah! Uhn!"

Hiei moved faster, out of masochistic intuition, and in turn the sounds that raspingly outpoured from Kurama's exposed throat became more forceful and wanton. The fire demon thought they sounded... _Exquisite,_ and he mentally sneered, proud that he was able to employ his meager repertoire in this very erotic situation.

"Hn...!!!"

"Hi... Hiei! Nguh...!"

A final push. "Kurama..."

Burned, he sagged and let himself fall on Kurama's torso. He would have smiled in repulsion for the loud thud of abandon that reverbed, had he had the strength to even think about it. Nestled in Kurama's breast, Hiei found himself wide-eyed and breathing heavily and shallowly - not from exhaustion, but from a kind of mortification that only his ego can induce: _What just happened?_

Interrupting his thoughts was a low, bated chuckle from Kurama, charmed at his unguarded display of enervation. His friend's voice mollified his qualms. "Hiei, you look as tired as how you become after unleashing the Kokuryuha..." Kurama commented in jest.

"I am _not_ tired, silly fox," Snapped Hiei. He then inhaled a big gulp of air, and closed his eyes.

"Then what are you?" Kurama snaked his arms around him. Hiei tensed for a moment, but he remembered their present existence, their molded bodies, their shared heat, their united breathing, their synchronized heartbeats. He melted into the touch.

_This is nice..._

"You are so human, Kurama. You like beating around the bush. You like chasing your tail in endless circles like dogs. You like to run amuck aimlessly like headless chickens. You are nothing but blithering idiots."

"That we are," Kurama tried to chirp, wanting to further egg on Hiei's tantrum. His labored voice surprised him instead; it sounded rather laughable. He felt Hiei smile. _That would have been a loud, condescending laugh that would resonate in all four worlds, if we were in another place and time._

"Shut up." Hiei barked, although light-headedness seemed to consume him...

"Hiei," Kurama suddenly called, his voice more solid. It broke through the drowsy spell that had cast itself over Hiei's consciousness; upon hearing Kurama's icy voice, his body almost stiffened in alarm, and he was jolted back into perfect awareness. Hiei pulled himself up, and studied the face beneath him. That their cocks rubbed against each other again seemed to matter little.

"What's wrong?" Hiei sounded as if he was nearly panicking. He felt Kurama open his legs.

"Do it," Kurama urged. There was so much need in his dazed green eyes that Hiei could not help frown at the sight.

_Kurama... you lost it._ "No, Kurama. I will not."

Hiei then rolled off to Kurama's side, landing precisely on his back. He blew out a miffed sigh.

"Not fair," muttered the subdued youko, genuinely deflated. He lolled his head to where Hiei relocated himself, and sought the fire demon's eyes. Hiei stared at the midnight sky instead.

"Kurama, this isn't like you. If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were baiting me."

Kurama briefly smiled, longingly. "Maybe I was..."

"Don't fool me; you were trying me."

"Actually, I've done neither, Hiei. I was just... carried away."

An awkward pause enveloped them. Kurama resumed, "What, don't tell me you have never felt this _unresolved sexual tension_ between us all this time?"

Hiei flushed, flabbergasted. He began sputtering like an undecided fool - which he was. He wanted to say something nasty - anything - but the damn words just would not figure themselves out.

"You are very attractive, Hiei," he told him, winking. Hiei's seemingly lethargic form twitched. "No one can deny that. That's one reason, I guess..."

"But the real reason is... have you ever felt this kind of trust that it physically ached?"

Hiei only gaped at Kurama. "It was like that for me. Gomen, Hiei. I know it was absurd. But you're really the only one I trust."

The silence that ensued thereafter seemed everlasting, until Hiei forgave him.

"Do you think Yusuke will succeed Raizen?" the fire demon asked.

"Of course." Kurama replied without hesitation.

"Aa. I think so too."

"Hiei, if you ever had to fight against Yusuke, would you?"

"Of course. Yusuke is not small fry; I'm sure it will be worth our while."

"I imagine it will take hundreds of years for Yusuke to think of it as easily as you do, though. He sees you as a friend."

_Hn..._

"What... What if... _we_ end up against each other...?"

"Kurama, are you stumbling over your words?"

"A little."

"What of it?"

"What do you think?"

"If it happens, then it's meant to happen."

"But will you let it happen?"

"Why not?"

"Just... asking."

"After this day, we would've moved on. We have ambitions. You have your ningen family and your ningen life and I have my--"

"Suicide attempts?"

"Hn."

"I'm stalling, aren't I?"

"I thought you'll never figure out that you are."

"Hiei..."

Kurama closed his eyes, took Hiei's lower lip in his mouth and kissed it soundly. Hiei kissed back.

"I love you, Hiei."

"Good bye... Kurama."

**end**

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standard disclaimers of non-ownership and non-profit and non-infringement apply. for more information on this story (as if you're interested, but whatever): see http://thisway-out. livejournal. com/602. htm (omit the spaces) 


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